For the past four years I have been researching the key qualities needed in a leader.
Fed-up with the constant talk of “authenticity” and “bringing our whole selves to work” which emerged during the pandemic, I set out to discover what people really wanted from their leaders.
The result was my latest book Nobody Believes You: Become a Leader People Will Follow, in which I came to the conclusion that the key attribute of the most successful leaders is credibility.
Credibility itself is, I believe, made up of eight key practices – each of which I will outline in a separate blog post over the coming weeks.
This blog ‘Why leaders need to practice empathy’ – will look specifically at empathy; the definition of empathy, the chaos that happens when you don’t have it and three things you can do to build empathy in your role.
What is empathy?
Empathy is crucial to developing and maintaining genuine relationships, but I’m not sure our general understanding of it in the workplace goes quite far enough. We tend to think of it as being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, but I believe it’s about more than this.
Yes, empathy means listening. It means trying to understand what someone else is going through, but the core of genuine empathy is believing someone else’s lived experience regardless of your own.
An empathetic leader is one that is compassionate, flexible and cares about the experiences of their team.
During the pandemic, it seemed everyone in my field was starting to demand leaders demonstrate more empathy, yet very few were actually talking about what that meant.
It prompted me to spend a lot of time reading about the subject, trying to better understand how it was a skill that could benefit those in corporate communications. I began to explore what exactly empathy is and how to cultivate it.
I found that it’s not necessarily an inborn trait, that it is something you can build and grow, but that this will only happen through practice.
What happens when leaders lack empathy?
As human beings, we all have a fundamental need for social connection, and empathy is a huge player in this.
Empathetic communication is important for building better interpersonal relationships -the behaviours needed in demonstrating empathy are those that help us ‘humanise’ the workplace.
However, we often blend empathy with compassion. When we ask people to lead with empathy, what we actually want to see is compassion. Compassion is undoubtedly linked to empathy, but the two are not interchangeable.
I think the main difference between the two is: compassion is about connection alone; empathy requires us to believe and understand the experiences of the other person involved. (You can hear more about this distinction in this episode of my podcast.)
This idea of belief is crucially important when it comes to being a credible leader. If people don’t believe that you believe in them, they won’t see you as credible. And, if people don’t believe you have empathy, they won’t like you. They will feel that you don’t believe them, think that you don’t listen, and feel that you’re judging their experiences.
I’ve seen this play out many times in my work as a leadership consultant. If empathy is missing in a leadership team it can make it extremely difficult to get people bought in to your vision for the organisation, to see you as credible and to believe in the truth of what you’re saying.
How to cultivate empathy in leadership
Becoming an empathetic leader requires, first and foremost, a change in perspective.
We often go in to meetings or discussions with the aim of putting a point of view across, persuading people to do something or, indeed, telling people to do something. Empathetic leaders approach things differently.
When we lead with empathy, we go into those discussions wanting to understand other people’s perspectives first.
This is a powerful shift for leaders as we can mould our ideas to ensure we are solving everyone’s issues. Making that kind of shift requires the ability to truly listen to and truly believe everyone’s experiences.
An empathetic leader also needs to demonstrate care, compassion and flexibility. Listening without judgment and putting people at the heart of decisions – think people over process – is crucial.
Why do we need to practice empathy? – Practice makes perfect
Building empathy is something we must all practise, every day, if we want to lead effectively. Without it, people will struggle to connect with you on any genuine level which, as a result, can turn into dislike.
Being empathetic requires you to be intentional in your communication and your relationships. Make the time to check in on your bias about whether you believe other people’s experiences and explore what stops you being able to listen without judgment.
The 3 key skills I think every empathetic leader needs are:
- Active listening: Show that you are really listening by taking notes, maintaining eye contact and signalling through body language that you’re paying attention.
- Flexibility: This can be a great way of showing empathy because you’re listening to others’ needs and taking action to show you understand their situation or perspective.
- Leave your stories at home: This isn’t about you. You can share some things to show an understanding but be mindful of repeatedly turning the conversation to yourself.
It’s important to remember that being a leader is not a natural state for many of us. That means we have to explore the practices we need to develop in order to succeed.
Reading about them is one thing; putting things into practice and trying out different techniques is where change will happen.
You can hear more about the importance of empathy on this episode of the Redefining Communications with Jenni Field podcast.
To find out more about my research into credibility and my book click here. Or you can find out how credible you are with our free Credibility Gap Assessment here.
